TVVZ - Zorb Owns Reporter and other videos on StupidVideos.com

Here’s the third installment in our viral video toast to TMZ. One more to go, and then maybe we’ll put together a whole show!

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Neither McCain nor Obama was at the Forefront of the Housing Crisis

I don’t generally use this blog as a forum for talking about current events or politics in a serious way, but every now and then I do like to post a reality check. I can’t help but sneer when I hear John McCain and Obama talk about “sounding the alarm” about our mortgage problems in 2006. 2006? That was when the submortgage debacle hit the news in a big way, but it was by no means the beginning of our problems with excessive consumer spending, predatory lending, or unrealistic home values and ridiculous mortgages.

I recall, vividly, reading articles questioning whether we were in a housing bubble in the early 2000s. Here’s a Businessweek editorial from roughly a week before the September 11 massacres would make every other problem seem minimal.

Call it the double bubble. A housing bubble may be developing–right behind the Nasdaq bubble. Although overall stock prices are down 12% and the Nasdaq is off 25% since the start of 2001, average house prices are rising at an annual rate of 8%. In fact, falling equities have led many well-heeled investors to shift money into residential real estate. Robert J. Shiller, author of Irrational Exuberance, which predicted the Nasdaq crash a year before it happened, now warns that a psychological frenzy not unlike tech mania is gripping housing. It appears that the Federal Reserve’s dramatic rate-cutting campaign to revive the economy may be overheating housing.

That was seven years ago, and we all know what continued happening after that. House values continued to rise, and mortgages became easier to obtain and riskier to keep, especially for the people who could afford them the least. But let’s assume that that was too early to identify the risks associated with our housing bubble. In 2003, people like Dean Baker were continuing to sound real warning bells.

The Clinton boom was built on three unsustainable bubbles. One of them, the stock bubble, has already burst. The other two bubbles—the dollar bubble and the housing bubble—are still with us. The dollar bubble is starting to deflate, and the housing bubble is perhaps just now reaching its peak. These bubbles created the basis for the 2001 recession and the economy’s continuing period of stagnation….

This situation is frightening for two reasons. First, as a short-run matter, if housing prices fall sharply in some of the areas where the effects of the bubble are largest (for example the Boston, New York, Washington, and San Francisco areas), new home buyers (and those who recently refinanced their mortgages and took money out) could find they have negative equity in their homes. If someone borrows $270,000 to buy a $300,000 home, and the price falls by one-third, this leaves them owing $70,000 more than the home is worth. When this happens, there is a huge incentive to just let the mortgage holder foreclose on the home. If this were to happen on a large scale, the survival of many banks and financial institutions would be at risk.

So prior to our last Presidential election, the writing continued to remain present on the wall; we just chose to wallpaper over it with rapidly devaluing dollars. The New York Times’s Paul Krugman took Dean Baker’ baton and ran with it, continually addressing the idea of a housing bubble for the next several years. So, I’d like to know why it’s prescience that McCain and Obama began addressing the issue in 2006, after it had become front page and not just editorial page news. Neither McCain nor Obama can suggest that they were leaders on the issue. All they can fight over is who was able to more quickly hop onto the bandwagon.

In Defense of Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin recently came under fire for not being able to name a newspaper she reads. In her defense, she probably didn’t know how Weekly Parade would go over with the press. Not that I blame her. I read it, too. Not only does it have timely information regarding the whereabouts of celebrities I liked as a kid, but it always has the most provocative Sudoku and crossword puzzles. Parade also features a column by Marilyn Vos Savant, listed in the Guinness Book for having the highest IQ. Getting through that column is the equivalent of a semester at Harvard each week! All that for just the price of the Sunday Paper? It sounds as if she’s already got the know-how to solve our economic crisis. Sarah Palin reads any newspaper that’s put in front of her, and that includes the Weekly World News when she’s ringing up her groceries. It’s just one of her vast variety of sources! What other sources have information regarding pieces of toast shaped like Jesus? Alaska isn’t some remote island, hours from the mainland, culturally separate from the country… like Hawaii. Alaska is a part of this country, and news of the weird makes its way there just as easily as it makes its way to Washington DC.

Sarah Palin believes that women who have been the victim of rape or incest should avoid having abortions, and why not? Abortion is a traumatic experience. Rape frequently is preceded by at least a dinner and possibly a movie; Incest is a family activity. Abortion on the other hand takes place in the cold, dark office of a doctor you’ve probably never met before. Sarah Palin should be congratulated for having the compassion necessary to spare young girls that experience. America’s young girls will have the rest of their lives to get undressed in people’s offices. Why force them to grow up now?

There is a question of whether Sarah Palin is enough of a heavyweight to be our vice president. Well, that assertion is simply sexist. We would never question the weight of a man running for office. Of course, the automatic response is “we meant intellectual heavyweight.” Well, I would dare say that’s worse. Isn’t it, after all, a veiled suggestion that a woman who is a fat nerd is unprepared to run the country? I suppose if she were a hot nerd, otherwise known as a sexy librarian, that would be OK! Well, I denounce that sexism and suggest we just give her the Vice Presidency and flowers as an apology. Everyone knows that when you wrong a woman, it’s best to apologize quickly and profusely or you’ll have to listen to her whine until you do.

America is the kind of country where a woman can go from wanting to be a sportscaster to running for Vice President, regardless of her qualifications. That’s what makes us unique as a nation, and if you can’t support that, then may I suggest moving to a country ruled by serious people of distinct caliber?

Tags: sarahpalin, vpilf, election, wasilla, alaska, john mccain, republicans, msm

Games They Never Thought Could Be Movies

There are a lot of games that have been skipped over for consideration for film adaptations. Most of the time, it’s because there seems to be no reasonable way to adapt the games for the big screen. Well, if there’s no reasonable way, how about unreasonable ways? Here are some video games that probably never should be adapted for the big screen, adapted!

Pong

The game that started it all. In Pong, you move a small rectangle up and down the screen, knocking a large pixel back and forth across the screen in a simulation of tennis. Long before Wii Sports came along, this was the tennis simulator that families crowded along their wood console televisions to play. Sad, huh?

How it Could Work:

This could be a surprise sequel to Deathrace. After the nation tired of watching prisoners drive cars around, prisons began forcing prisoners to play tennis, pushing the nations’ boredom level one degree higher. The prisoners are average at best, so the prisons wire the prisoners so that they can be controlled by the guards in the stands, with plans for the home audience to be in control in the future (if the cable companies ever get that last stretch of fiber optics done). The hero of our movie is Shigeru Miyamoto 3000, whose army of gorillas goes bonkers, throwing barrels at the prison guards, releasing the prisoners from the remote-controlled deathgrips, giving them just enough time to lodge constitutional complaints against their incarceration.

Starring: Mark-Paul Gosselaar as Shigeru Miyamoto 3000.
Directed by: James Cameron

Pizza Party:

I don’t know if anyone other than the kids in this commercial have ever played Pizza Party. It looks like the sort of game that could turn a rainy day into a suicidal afternoon. I imagine that the conversation between the director and the kids in the commercial went something like this:

“Okay, guys, I want you to really look like you’re having a great time.”
“But we’re pretending to put cardboard circles on a pizza?”
“Yup! Now, when I say action I want you to laugh hysterically… why are you yawning?”

But maybe a horrible game could become a slightly less awful movie?

How It Could Work

In the post-apocalyptic future, all that remains in a pizza parlor in Minnesota. Or what used to be Minnesota but is now the Republic of Pizza Emporium. Three men, all pizza makers, rule the only building left standing without compassion or consideration. Anybody who wants shelter in Pizza Emporium must make pizza, never mind that there are no customers. One kid recognizes that while he and the other survivors are alive, they aren’t really living. He leads a bloody revolt, slicing up the oppressors with a pizza slicer, only to realize that the only way he can keep everyone alive is to keep making pizzas. He has become his own worst enemy.

Starring: Haley Joel Osment in a suprise comeback.
Directed by: Alan Smithee

The Source of Barack Obama’s Appeal, At Last!

TVVZ - Armless Bowler

Our second TMZ spoof! They haven’t really taken off yet, but somebody out there’s gotta like ‘em!

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TVVZ- Coins Up Nose

The first of our TMZ spoofs for Stupidvideos.com.

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Thoughts on a Walk In The Park

The park grants me a small measure of solace and, after dark, a slightly larger measure of heebie-jeebies. I walk in the park to make sense of it all. How did I reach this point, and are those guys going to mug me? Both are big questions, but I need the answer to the second one sooner.

I’ve been tackling the Problem of Evil. If there is an all-loving God, how can he allow evil to exist without allowing me to harness it to use against my enemies? My enemies are few– the three major credit reporting bureaus. I don’t believe their reporting is fair and balanced.

Coming to terms with my role in the universe. Pigeons don’t fear me, but they do respect me. A significant improvement.

It’s hard to believe that we’re alone in the universe. Especially since I keep getting calls at 3:00 AM. This can’t be a coincidence. If I were calling cross-galaxy, I would wait until the rates were cheaper, too. I can’t help but wonder whether this is really an attempt to reach out to us or simply a drunk dial. If it is both, then extraterrestrials are having a much better time than I am.

Walking gives me time to be alone with my thoughts. It’s been a mixed blessing. I’ve learned much more about my thoughts, but it is increasingly clear they don’t appreciate my company. When I am alone with my thoughts, there tend to be uncomfortable silences.

Lately, there have been times when I’ve finally felt like I am in control of my own destiny. Then I end up at Seven-Eleven. I walk in and out without purchasing anything. The clerks don’t respect me, but they do greet me. A significant improvement.

I look around the park and can’t help but believe every tree, plant, and animal is a gift from God. Why do so many of God’s gifts make me sneeze? Should I be offended? Also, I can’t help but notice that his gifts are free, but the Church insists on a monetary offering. I am getting offended.

The universe is vast. That makes me hate my apartment just a bit more. It’s so small, and there’s next to no closet space. How could this happen with there being so much space out there? What’s the excuse? Each of the stars represents another galaxy, full of promise and potential. And apartments?

In the park, I learn about myself. I am confident that I chart my own course in life. Charts. Courses. Flashbacks to remedial algebra, where I was ridiculed and beaten up for owning notebook paper. Nevertheless, when I return home my confidence holds firm. My cat doesn’t greet me, but he does demand food. A significant improvement.

Cymbalta For Pets!

Who knew there were so many depressed pets in the world? It’s a good thing Big Pharma is already hard at work on curing them!

Akon and Rick Ross to Collaborate on Backstory

Acclaimed hard core rapper and “prevariKator” Akon announced today his intention to collaborate with fellow rapper and recently exposed fabulist Rick Ross, on “an entirely new, and completely convincing backstory”.

Both rappers recently suffered public relations setbacks when their elaborate and oft-cited criminal histories were shown to be at least in part “completely made up and shit”.

Earlier this year, online secrets repository The Smoking Gun (www.thesmokinggun.com) posted evidence that despite frequent assertions to the contrary, Akon, among whose albums is the 2006 hit “Konvicted”, has not spent a considerable amount of time in prison. However, inside sources do indicate that he has visited numerous prisons via Google Streetz View. Similar problems have only recently derailed Rick Ross fast rising rap career. Ross, who frequently claims to have made his first fortune “slinging weight,” appears to have been employed at least part time as a guard in a Federal prison. Ross’ latest album “Trilla,” a recent chart topper is, according to the rotund law enforcer, a combination of True and Real. Ross was unavailable for comment at press time, but in the wake of allegations that his backstory is neither, Ross’s publicist is defending the title as “Fronic”, or “Funny and Ironic”.

According to sources within music industry, representatives for the artists have contacted noted backstory embellisher and Hip Hop impresario Dr. Dre, and Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to assist them in the development of a new backstory that is “hard core, disturbing, and almost completely verifiable.” Record industry observers speculate that if Dre and Whedon agree to collaborate, this new backstory could “be plausible”, and possibly hit the streets as early as September, in time for the VMA’s.

In a press release, Akon elaborated on his desire to work with the troubled corrections officer.

“Sometimes, it feels like a man is being Konvicted without a fair trial in a Kourt of Law. That’s why worKing with someone who has close up Knowldge of the justice system is integral to the suKcess of this projeKt. Personally, I Kan understand why AmeriKa might feel inKlined to judge us by our KontradiKtions, but I ask them to resist drawing a KonKlusion, and wait to see what the final produKt will look liKe.”

In an interview given almost hours after evidence of his law enforcement past surfaced, Ross seemed to indicate the direction this project might take. “Personally, biography embellishment is played out. It’s time to do something totally hard core, without any basis in fact whatsoever. On the real, I’d love to work with a visonary like Akon.” Added Ross, “We goin’ straight make up. No Homo.”

Related Stories:

• Akon denies first album purchased with own money “Tiny Dancer”
• Rick Ross admits to taking day off from hustlin’
• Mr. Rogers denies link between Akon and Land of Make Believe

Additional reporting by Ross Lincoln and Earnest Pettie