Midseason Replacement

Earnest Pettie, comedy writer

Sorry Pluto, but you’re no Mercury

The New York Times feels Pluto should be downgraded from planet to rock (rock? rock? planet? rock?), a feeling so intense it deserves the full weight of placement on the paper’s esteemed editorial page. The Times thinks that 1) nearing a handful, there are now too many planets for people to keep track of and 2) not making a clear distinction between planet and space flotsam muddies our understanding of what a planet is. Well, the former is ridiculous, but the latter makes sense. In fact, in the interest of clarity, we could propose many more cases where distinctions need to be made.

  • J-Lo: Downgrade from superstar to star.
  • Heat Wave: Downgrade from news story to conversation topic.
  • Richard Gere: Downgrade from sex symbol to AARP spokesperson
  • Blog: Downgrade from buzzword to word.
  • Democrats: Downgrade from political party to bowling league
  • Intelligent Design: Downgrade from theory to claptrap.
  • Toyota Prius: Downgrade from car to passenger dustbuster.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on July 25, 2006 by in Uncategorized.

Cool Links

%d bloggers like this: