Earnest Pettie, comedy writer
Yesterday, the Russian computers on the International Space Station failed. That meant the possibility of the Russians abandoning the space station, especially after having to spend a couple hours with the guy in the back saying “Dude, you should’ve gotten a Mac. They never crash.”
Hamas fighters took over the Fatah security building today. The fighter pictured here said “The first thing we’re gonna do, honey, is get rid of all this wood paneling!” Hamas, of course, is in the middle of a fierce battle with Fatah to decide who is better suited to run a nonexistent country. Falafel prices plunged on today’s news.