Earnest Pettie, comedy writer
More Chinese-manufactured toys will be recalled on Thursday when Mattel discovers a defect in one of their toys that will cause them to emit a vaporous gas that brainwashes children into attempting to assassinate the President. Also, the gas may contain unsafe amounts of lead.
Michael Vick’s problems will be compounded when he admits to using steroids… on his dogs. He will plead guilty on dogfighting charges. What a waste. A former who’s who, Heisman nominee, and even voted Most Likely To Succeed…O.J. Simpson in Football Infamy.
In an effort to become a better mother, Britney Spears will begin homeschooling her children. Of course, things get off to a bumpy start when, instead of teaching them their ABC’s, she begins teaching them their DUI’s.